Do the wheels on the bus still go round, or is that subjective now?

I woke up this morning with a banging headache and a child banging on about sport’s bags and missing math’s homework sheets. I medicated the migraine and mitigated the impending math’s class crisis, fed and watered the child and cat, and took the former to school. On arrival home, I filled a sink with water and piled in the dishes. As they soaked, I paid a few bills on-line, and had a ten minute conversation with my landlord, where he lied constantly. Now I’m bent over my laptop at the kitchen table, hoping to bang out five hundred words, before I have a much needed shower.

None of this seems particularly remarkable, until you consider, I do not exist.

I have been erased.

You may think I’m speaking metaphysically, but I’m not. Metaphysics is dead. It went down a year after irony, and just before literally. Literally now means not literally. Facts are no longer objective, and objectivity is no longer a thing. Here, in this post modern minefield, all that matters, at any given moment, are the thoughts in your head. As long as they are the right thoughts…obviously. If those thoughts are wrong, then they must remain forever in your head. You must never be allowed to speak them publicly, for fear you will contaminate the subjective thought pool.

It probably sounds more ominous than it is. In reality, the rules are quite simple.

Are you a biological woman? If you have answered ‘yes’ to this, then we are not off to a good start.

Let’s try again. Are you a biological woman? If you are afraid to answer, then we are getting somewhere. I’ll help you. There is no such thing as a biological woman. The closest approximation we have to it is a cis woman.

But, what if you are not cis? What if you don’t even know what cis is? So, ignorance is no defense, and actually no-body knows what cis means.

If you are not cis then you are a trans, and deserve a seat at the front of the bus. If you are neither cis, nor trans, then you are probably non-binary, which makes you infinitely more interesting than cis, but not quite as special as trans. Go to the middle of the bus.

Everybody else, to the back of the bus, and away we go…

But, what if you are neither cis, nor trans, nor non-binary? What if you were born female, and identify as none of the above, or none of the other inane multi gender options available? What if you are politically opposed to the subdivision of the clear sex classes into meaningless, abstract, entirely subjective gender categories? What then?

Anyone following the bus metaphor can see where this is going…